Unapologize
by Freedom Don't Come Cheap
Summary: Nessie is worried about telling Jake something that she knew she shouldn't, but Jake assures her that he feels the same way. Loosely based off of "Unapologize" by Carrie Underwood. Please R


**This story was loosely inspired by "Unapologize" by Carrie Underwood.**

* * *

Tap,_ tap, tap._

Renesmee Cullen's pencil thumped against the wooden desk in her room rhythmically.

_Tap, tap, tap._

Nessie bit her thumbnail as she tried to concentrate on the math equation in front of her. _2x+3y-4x=15y,_ she read thoughtlessly, not processing any of the information. Sighing slightly, she tried again to read the equation, putting as much of her focus in to it as possible. _2x+3y-4—_

"Ugh," Nessie groaned as she tossed her pencil onto her notebook, watching frustrated as it rolled off the notebook onto the floor. "This is hopeless," She muttered to herself as she bent to pick up the pencil. She put the pencil on the desk and shoved her chair away from the wood, standing up. She paced her room silently, her mind slipping to the one thing she wanted desperately to forget.

"_I love you."_

She visibly cringed as the words floated though her head. _Why had I been so stupid?_, she asked herself. She plopped onto her bed, burying her head into her hands. _Why did I do that? I ruined everything._

There was a soft tap at her knock; sighing, Nessie stood up and opened the door.

"Yes?"

"Nessie, sweetie," Her mother said by way of greeting. "How's the math coming?"

"It's…coming," Nessie answered with a small shrug of her shoulders. It was no secret among her family that math was Nessie's hardest subject; she was much more of a romantic so the logic of math was all but lost on her—today just happened to be a day that made it all that much harder for her to concentrate.

"Well, that's good," Isabella, Bella, Cullen continued, smiling warmly at her daughter. "Do you think you'll be finished by dinner tonight?"

It was the second Wednesday of the month, and on the second Wednesday of every month, the Cullen family got together at Carlisle and Esme Cullen's house and had one big dinner. It usually turned into an all night affair with Nessie and her parents staying the night at what everyone called "the big house."

"Yeah, I should be done by then."

"Good," Bella turned away and then turned back. "Oh, and don't forget to let Jacob know that we're starting a half hour early this month, the time being 5:30, not 6:00."

At the mention of Jacob, Nessie's boyfriend, Nessie's face darkened. The barely-there smile she had had on her face faltered and then disappeared altogether. She protectively crossed her arms in front of her chest, and her eyes cast down to the floor.

"Nessie," Bella's voice was concerned. "Is something wrong? Did something happen between you and Jake?"

Bella felt that since Nessie was a junior in high school she deserved her privacy. So to keep Edward out of her head, Bella always made sure that she stretched her shield to her daughter. Nessie always appreciated this but was never more grateful than at that moment. She didn't want her father knowing about what had happened last night; at least not until she was ready to talk about it.

"Nessie," Bella pushed gently. "You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

"I know, Mom," Nessie looked up at Bella, dropping her arms to her side. "I just…I just don't want to talk about it right now."

Nodding, Bella said, "Alright, that's fair. But if and when you are ready to talk about it, you know where I live, okay?"

Smiling slightly, Nessie nodded. "Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime, dear," Bella kissed Nessie's head and then walked down the hallway.

Sighing, Nessie closed her door and sat back down at her desk. Math was the last thing she wanted to focus on right now, but she needed to get her homework done before dinner that evening.

* * *

The door of the big house swung open, revealing Esme Cullen standing there, her usual smile already laid out on her face.

"Edward," She pulled Edward forward into her arms, hugging him tightly. "I've missed seeing you."

"I've missed you too, Esme," Edward answered with a smile as he pulled away from his surrogate mother.

Esme smiled at him and then turned her attention to Bella. "Bella," Esme cheerfully said as she pulled Bella into a hug; Bella smiled too as she wrapped her arms around Esme.

"Hey, Esme, it's so good to see you."

"It's so good to see you too, honey."

Nessie was standing a bit away from her parents, watching them interact with her grandmother. Usually she couldn't wait to come to the big house. She loved spending time with her family. Before she started school, she used to spend a lot of her time with her crazy aunts and her unpredictable uncles and her loving grandparents—but when she started school, her free time lessened and lessened. The family dinners became more precious to Nessie because they became one of few times she got to spend with her family.

But tonight she just wasn't in the mood of putting on a smile and feigning happiness; and she wasn't in the mood to repeatedly assure her uncle Jasper that the sadness he would most likely pick up on was nothing. She just wanted to go home, crawl into bed, and forget her troubles in the world of unconsciousness; she just wanted to turn her brain off and think of nothing.

But she was never that lucky. "Nessie," Esme called as she turned to her, arms spread wide. "I've missed you so much, dear!"

"I've missed you too, Grandma," Nessie responded, trying to sound as cheerful as she usually did; it didn't work.

Pulling away, Esme studied her granddaughter's face. "Sweetie, is something wrong? You don't look like, well, you."

Nessie opened her mouth to say that nothing was fine (even though she knew that that probably wouldn't work and that she'd spend the rest of the evening fighting off her family), when her mother beat her to the punch. "Oh, she's fine, Esme. She just had a lot of math homework today. You know what kind of mood that always puts her in."

"Ah, yes," Esme smiled sweetly at Nessie, patting her shoulder in a sympathetic way. "Well, don't worry, dear. Everyone's inside and they'll surely get your mind off of that stubborn homework of yours."

Nessie pushed a smile onto her face. "Thanks, Grandma. I'm sure that'll help a lot."

Esme smiled at Nessie once more and then quickly ushered her and her parents into the house. In the living room, they had more greetings with Nessie's Aunt Alice, Uncle Jasper, Aunt Rosalie, Uncle Emmett, and Grandpa Carlisle. After she hugged all of her family and sent Uncle Jasper looks that told him not to mention her mood to anyone else, Nessie took up residence in one of the arm chairs in the corner of the room. She was hoping that if she was very quiet and didn't make a move to join anyone's conversations, everyone would understand that she just wanted to be left alone for the night. But just like always, luck was never on her side.

"So, Nessie," Alice started, abandoning her conversation with Bella and Rosalie and turning to Nessie. She had a devilish look in her eye; usually Nessie would get a kick out of the silly things Aunt Alice talked about, but tonight she dreaded what topic Alice was about to bring to the table. "Where's your hunk of a boyfriend?" Alice's eyebrows rose suggestively and Nessie's throat clamped up.

"Uh," Nessie tried to swallow the sudden lump that had risen in her throat. "He…couldn't make it tonight. He…made other plans." She was lying through her teeth and it showed; more than once it had been pointed out to her that she was a rotten liar.

"Other plans?" Rosalie asked disbelievingly. "What other plans does that boy ever make? He's always following you around like a lost puppy." She paused and then a slight smile graced her beautiful lips. "No pun intended."

"He just," Nessie glanced at the ceiling and she hopelessly groped for an excuse to come to mind. "He just wanted to hang out with friends tonight and I told him that it was fine and that I'd send everyone his best wishes." Nessie rushed out as she glanced back at her family, briefly looking each member in the eye. She hoped they'd buy her lie, at least for a little.

"Well, that was very sweet of you," Esme spoke first. "I know how fond the two of you are of each other."

"Yeah," Nessie agreed darkly. "Very fond of each other."

* * *

Nessie bit the inside of her cheek, trying to stop her mind from wandering back to the topic of Jacob. Ever since Alice had asked where Jacob was that night, she hadn't been able to pull her thoughts away from him; it was starting to make her more depressed than she was earlier in the day. _Maybe if I just called him—_

Nessie bit down harder.

They were currently sitting at the dinner table, enjoying the appetizer: salad. Nessie was absentmindedly stabbing her fork into the lettuce, counting numbers in her head to keep her mind from wandering to Jacob. _1,2,3,4,5,6,7…I was seven the first time Jake took me to the beach—_Nessie bit down on her cheek so hard that she tasted blood.

All of her family members turned to look at her, alerted at the smell of fresh blood wafting through the room. "Nessie," Carlisle started. "Are you alright? Do you need me to help you?"

"No, no, no," Nessie quickly defended. "I just bit my cheek a little too hard. I'm fine, really."

"Are you sure, dear?" Esme's face was all worry and her voice dripped with concern. "You're really not acting like yourself tonight."

"I'm fine," Nessie pushed away from the table and just stood up. "I just need—" She was cut off by the sound of the doorbell; her breath caught in her throat.

"Well," Alice smiled hugely. "It looks like someone changed his mind about spending the night with the boys. Go get your man, girl!"

Bella rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. "Go let him in, sweetie. We'll do our best to let you have some privacy with him for a few minutes." Her smile turned into a full-on grin.

Nodding, Nessie forced her feet to move in the direction of the door. Taking a deep breath and willing the lump in her throat down, she pulled the door open. Even though she already knew to expect Jacob on the other side, she wasn't prepared for his appearance. His hair was disheveled; his eyes were blood shot; he was wearing the same clothes that he was wearing last night; and above all, he looked as though he'd been crying.

"Jake," She cried startled; she wasn't expecting him to look like this. She wasn't even expecting him to show up tonight. She was actually expecting him to never show up again.

"Can we talk?" His voice was husky and raw; he had definitely been crying.

Nessie nodded, joining him outside; she shut the door behind her—it was a lame attempt at privacy, but at least it put a little space between them and the rest of the family. "Jake—"

"Let me talk, Ness," Jacob interrupted. "Please." Nessie nodded and he went on. "I know I probably shouldn't have shown up here like this, but I needed to talk to you, Ness, I really did."

"Alright," Nessie said with a nod. "What did you need to talk about?"

"Last night." Nessie closed her eyes; she was hoping that maybe there was slim chance that he'd forgotten all about last night and wanted to talk to her about something else. "Ness, I was an ass last night."

Nessie's eyes flew open. "What?"

Jacob put his hands on her shoulders, slowly rubbing them down her arms. "You said something so sweet, so…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head. "You said 'I love you' and I ran off like a total ass."

Nessie's eyes closed again. "We don't have to replay it, I remember what happened." _With perfect clarity,_ she added silently.

"God, Ness, I can't take this." He let go of her, running his hands through his hair and turning away from her.

"Can't take what?" She asked quietly. _Here it comes_, Nessie mentally warned herself, _here comes goodbye._

"Staying away from you," Jacob turned around and was met with Nessie's shocked expression; he chuckled quietly. "Nessie, I've known you your whole life. I held you when you were a baby, I was there when you were potty trained, I was the first one to took you to the beach, and I was there when you got your first boyfriend." He said that last part with a small hint of bitterness.

When Nessie was the physical age of fourteen, she got her first 'boyfriend.' She didn't think of him that way, but that's what everyone called him. He was just some kid in her class that she enjoyed hanging out with. They went to dinner and to see a movies a few times, but that was all. That was awhile ago, and Nessie hadn't heard from since they allegedly 'broke up.' She'd barely thought about him until Jacob had brought him up.

"What does that have to do with what happened?" Nessie asked.

"When you said 'I love you', I freaked. I just thought back to when you were a little girl. I…" His voice trailed off again. "Ness, this isn't coming out the way that I wanted to. I wanted to lay all my emotions bare, I wanted to…" He sighed and turned away, crushing a hand to his face.

"Wanted to do what?" Nessie asked gently, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Jacob glanced at her, all of his emotions playing out in his eyes. "I wanted to tell you that I love you, Renesmee. I love you with all of my heart; I've loved you for a very long time. I guess I just had a hard time believing that you could ever love me back."

Nessie had tears in her eyes when she threw herself into his arms. "Oh, Jake," She breathed. "I love you so much."

"I know, Ness, and I'm sorry I took so long to say it back." Jacob said just before he lowered his mouth onto her hers.

* * *

**I hope you enjoy! Please review! Your feedback helps me to become a better writer! :)**


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